he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
