he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
