Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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