I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
