A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
