You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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