I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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