I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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