What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
