please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
