she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
