you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
