I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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