My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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