I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
