Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
