If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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