I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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