i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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