over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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