For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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