dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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