At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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