So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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