I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
