he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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