I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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