I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
