She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
