Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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