it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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