Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
