I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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