I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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