let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
