the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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