Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she pinky promised me she was 18
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.