im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door