I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.