Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  i totally said that

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  (905): i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight (1-905): i totally said that http://tfl.nu/40bc
  Replies (19) Good night (3997) Bad night (531)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (631) Bad night (4121)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.

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  (678): Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him. http://tfl.nu/ayc4
  Replies (47) Good night (1861) Bad night (4696)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

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  (845): You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately. http://tfl.nu/vwdv
  Replies (9) Good night (5626) Bad night (1051)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

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  (205): You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you. http://tfl.nu/htvc
  Replies (3) Good night (2201) Bad night (722)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.

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  (+61): Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon. http://tfl.nu/pw6n
  Replies (9) Good night (1993) Bad night (590)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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  (574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig
  Replies (8) Good night (1769) Bad night (552)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.

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  (847): We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love. http://tfl.nu/9pu7
  Replies (7) Good night (884) Bad night (738)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.

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  (828): Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state. http://tfl.nu/9dzb
  Replies (6) Good night (2677) Bad night (694)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.

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  (215): There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her. http://tfl.nu/lhzd
  Replies (11) Good night (1266) Bad night (422)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?

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  (610): alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair? http://tfl.nu/af29
  Replies (6) Good night (1278) Bad night (448)
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  (408): View more from California

  I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.

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  (408): I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment. http://tfl.nu/nl3d
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (252)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.

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  (440): You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand. http://tfl.nu/z0q1
  Replies (4) Good night (502) Bad night (255)
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  (858): View more from California

  At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...

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  (858): At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death... http://tfl.nu/rvkt
  Replies (2) Good night (263) Bad night (476)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.

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  (202): Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time. http://tfl.nu/ulsc
  Replies (3) Good night (396) Bad night (805)

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