I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day