if i can run in heels then i can drive
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.