I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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