my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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