OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
