It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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