I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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