i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
