I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
