i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
