I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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