Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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