she looked like the before picture.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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