1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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