y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
