Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
