i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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