Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
